Great Names in the NFL

There is a fascination with names in my family. Combine that with the Steelers going to the Super Bowl, I figured I would post parts of an article from thesharkguys.com, and add some of my all time favorites.

10) Ritchie Incognito, St Louis Rams: With a name that makes him sound like the guy who runs the panini shop in a Danny Aiello movie, Ritchie Incognito of the St. Louis Rams gets the first slot here. After being suspended indefinitely from two colleges (one wonders if anything short of tearing off another human’s head could warrant the indefinite suspension of a star athlete from one American college let alone too), Incognito has since gone on to become a well paid NFL star, driving around in a BMW 750 with “23 television screens… including one in his gas cap door.” Alright, it’s only a surname, but come on.

9) Guy Whimper, New York Giants: This one works even better if you choose to pronounce his first name the French way. “Monsieur Guy Whimper”, table for deux!” While this guy tips the scales at over 300 pounds, and we can imagine few things more frightening than a guy half the size of a pickup truck looking to knock us down, one wonders of the psychological effects on an offensive tackle of having a surname that calls to mind the sound a cockerspaniel makes when it’s been left out in the rain and wants to come back inside.

4) Quentin T. Jammer, San Diego Chargers: Quentin T. Jammer is either a cornerback for the San Diego Chargers, a core member of the comic-book superhero team “Max Gravity and his Galactic Spectaculars,” or the villain in a future installment of the Matrix series. We’re not quit sure which. Regardless, with a name that screams to be put on a comic book or turned into a new dance craze, Quentin T. Jammer definitely lucked out in the surname sweepstakes.

3) King Dunlap, Philly Eagles: Striking a blow for the everyman, Dunlap’s parents eschewed heredity and decided that their youngster was just as kingly as anybody who gets the title the old-fashioned way. While we have no clue whether Dunlap’s play on the field can be deemed majestic, he does seem to strike a “I just plundered this kingdom” regal pose when it’s picture time (as shown in the photo to the right)

2) Atari Bigby, Green Bay Packers: Before anyone gets too excited, Atari Bigby was not named after the 1970s video-game pioneer, so anyone thinking of naming their offspring Gamecube Calhoun as a tribute should reconsider. His grandmother named him “Atari” because of the word’s Japanese meaning: attack. Coincidentally, we’re guessing that’s what Atari had to do every time someone jibed him as being named after the ancient video-game maker. “Bigby” is an added bonus, sounding as it does like the name of an octogenarian Rolls Royce chauffeur who taxis you to your country estate in Wales.

Yancey Thigpen. Wide receiver in the Mid-90's for Pittsburgh later went to the Oilers/Titans, before retiring.

Amani Toomer. Giants Wide receiver, always sounded to me like a like a new form of cancer.

Clinton Portis, this is my all time favorite player name, it just sounds like a venereal disease. " Wow poor Howie has to get some strong meds he has the clintonportis". It is still not as bad as the arena where the Cavaliers used to play, GUND ARENA! Now that really sounds bad!

Rod "He Hate Me" Smart. Former XFL player, who went into the NFL last played for the Oakland Raiders. Smart got notoriety for his XFL jersey that had "He Hate Me" on the Back instead of his name.

Well that is all I can remember for now, maybe I can convince mattelo, to write a Great Names of the NHL and post it.